The Honeymoon is Over
The Honeymoon is Over
Song of Solomon 5-6
“I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned away and had gone! My heart went out to him as he spoke. I searched for him, but I did not find him; I called him, but he did not answer me.”
During the joys of the honeymoon, the relationship of the newly married couple is at its zenith. Each moment spent together is joyous, and the couple affirms that their marriage will be different and that every day will be a honeymoon. However, when they get home, and life returns to daily struggles, reality hits: the joys of the honeymoon are forgotten, and couples begin to grow distant as the demands of life pull them apart.
Such was the case of the couple in the Song of Solomon. Chapter 5 begins with the husband returning home after time in the field, while the wife is tired and already in bed. In contrast to the previous chapter, where she could not wait to be with him, she now becomes indifferent to his appeal (vs 3). As a result, the husband withdraws. Once she realizes that her husband has left, she immediately regrets her failure to respond to him and goes out to search for him. However, he has gone (vs 6). In her search, she enlists the help of others to assist her (8-9, 6:1-2). As she searches, she is reminded of what attracted her to her husband in the first place (10-16). When she finds her husband and their relationship is restored, they rediscover the joy of their marriage (6:3-12).
In the tension of their struggle, we are reminded that marriage is not always a bed of roses. It is not always marked by passion, love, and joy. Marriage is a dance with times of closeness and times of distance. There are times when we cannot adequately express the depths of our love for one another, and there are times when we wonder why we got married in the first place. When we see this dance in the relationship between the bride and groom in this book, we are reminded that marriage is not always about being rapturously in love. It is about responding to the struggles and challenges we face in life and in our relationships. The difference between couples who struggle and those who develop a strong, unyielding bond lies not in the presence or absence of disagreements, distance, or frustration. The difference lies in their responses to the struggles. Chapters 5 and 6 provide us with an example of a proper response. When our relationship struggles, we need to act rather than respond with indifference. When the wife realized the husband had left, she searched for him. When we struggle in a marriage, we can either ignore the issues or take steps to address them. Like the bride who enlisted the help of the daughters of Jerusalem, there are times we need to enlist the help of others, counselors, and pastors who can help us resolve the issues. Marriages that struggle are those where pride prevents them from acknowledging they need help.
We also see in chapter 6:3-12 the importance of taking time to remember the joys of the past and celebrating the marriage. Just as the couple rediscovered the joy of their relationship, we remember and rediscover why we were drawn to one another in the first place. Marriage takes work, requiring us to focus on the qualities that attracted us to one another rather than the frustrations that cause indifference and conflict. We are all flawed individuals; we each have quirks, attitudes, and actions that can frustrate our spouse. The question is what we are going to focus on. Are we going to focus on what causes frustration or what brings joy? Are we going to respond with indifference and neglect, or take steps to maintain the joy of our marriage?
Song of Solomon 5-6
“I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned away and had gone! My heart went out to him as he spoke. I searched for him, but I did not find him; I called him, but he did not answer me.”
During the joys of the honeymoon, the relationship of the newly married couple is at its zenith. Each moment spent together is joyous, and the couple affirms that their marriage will be different and that every day will be a honeymoon. However, when they get home, and life returns to daily struggles, reality hits: the joys of the honeymoon are forgotten, and couples begin to grow distant as the demands of life pull them apart.
Such was the case of the couple in the Song of Solomon. Chapter 5 begins with the husband returning home after time in the field, while the wife is tired and already in bed. In contrast to the previous chapter, where she could not wait to be with him, she now becomes indifferent to his appeal (vs 3). As a result, the husband withdraws. Once she realizes that her husband has left, she immediately regrets her failure to respond to him and goes out to search for him. However, he has gone (vs 6). In her search, she enlists the help of others to assist her (8-9, 6:1-2). As she searches, she is reminded of what attracted her to her husband in the first place (10-16). When she finds her husband and their relationship is restored, they rediscover the joy of their marriage (6:3-12).
In the tension of their struggle, we are reminded that marriage is not always a bed of roses. It is not always marked by passion, love, and joy. Marriage is a dance with times of closeness and times of distance. There are times when we cannot adequately express the depths of our love for one another, and there are times when we wonder why we got married in the first place. When we see this dance in the relationship between the bride and groom in this book, we are reminded that marriage is not always about being rapturously in love. It is about responding to the struggles and challenges we face in life and in our relationships. The difference between couples who struggle and those who develop a strong, unyielding bond lies not in the presence or absence of disagreements, distance, or frustration. The difference lies in their responses to the struggles. Chapters 5 and 6 provide us with an example of a proper response. When our relationship struggles, we need to act rather than respond with indifference. When the wife realized the husband had left, she searched for him. When we struggle in a marriage, we can either ignore the issues or take steps to address them. Like the bride who enlisted the help of the daughters of Jerusalem, there are times we need to enlist the help of others, counselors, and pastors who can help us resolve the issues. Marriages that struggle are those where pride prevents them from acknowledging they need help.
We also see in chapter 6:3-12 the importance of taking time to remember the joys of the past and celebrating the marriage. Just as the couple rediscovered the joy of their relationship, we remember and rediscover why we were drawn to one another in the first place. Marriage takes work, requiring us to focus on the qualities that attracted us to one another rather than the frustrations that cause indifference and conflict. We are all flawed individuals; we each have quirks, attitudes, and actions that can frustrate our spouse. The question is what we are going to focus on. Are we going to focus on what causes frustration or what brings joy? Are we going to respond with indifference and neglect, or take steps to maintain the joy of our marriage?
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