Responding to Conflict

Responding to Conflict
1 Peter 3:8-16
“To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.”

We live in a culture that is increasingly hostile and conflictive.  We can no longer simply agree to disagree; we demonize those who oppose us and respond angrily to those who criticize us.  We are compelled to strike back when we feel we have been slighted (whether in our political discussions or the service we get when we get a cup of coffee).  We condemn those we disagree with, and when our service is not up to our standards, we quickly go to Yelp to leave a negative review.  We demand our rights while ignoring the rights of others.

In a conflictive world, God challenges us to respond differently.  As disciples of Christ, we are to act in a different way toward those who offend or disrespect us.  In these verses, Peter addresses not only our relationships within the church but also with unbelievers.  Peter begins by affirming the positive response and then challenges us to avoid the reaction of anger and revenge.  In verse 8, we find five attitudes that should govern our response to people, even those with whom we disagree. First, we are to be “harmonious.”  The word has the idea of being united in the same mindset as another.  This does not mean that we are in complete agreement but that we find a common ground of unity.  Second, we are to be sympathetic and compassionate, especially sensitive to the issues they are facing.  Third, we are to demonstrate brotherly love characterized by love and affection towards others.  Fourth, we are to be kindhearted, which means to have compassion for other people, especially when they are experiencing pain.  Last, we are to be humble in spirit.  Instead of demanding our rights, we consider others more important than ourselves (Phil. 2:3-4).

Having stated the positive attitudes, Peter confronts us with the need to avoid the adverse reaction.  In the world, when someone wrongs us or offends us, people strike back and seek revenge.  When we are insulted, our natural response is to insult and criticize in return.  However, this is not the response of Christ.  When we are insulted, we are to pronounce a blessing instead of getting even.  In other words, we are to demonstrate love when someone criticizes or mistreats us instead of responding in anger.  At the heart of Christlikeness is mercy and grace rather than anger and revenge (see also Romans 12:17; 2 Thess. 5:15, Luke 6:28-29).  Anger breeds anger, and conflict escalates in conflict.  However, Christ calls us to break the cycle by responding with love instead of anger and encouraging and blessing people, even those who attack and criticize us.  

When we respond in love, grace, and compassion towards people, we provide a testimony of the grace of Christ, and we influence others for Christ (vs. 13-15).  The goal of the Christian life is not to uphold our rights and demand respect; it is to reveal Christ in our lives, actions, and attitudes so that people will see the difference Christ makes.  The next time someone does not give you the service you think you deserve, respond with a compliment rather than a complaint.  When someone criticizes you for something you have done, respond by praising them for what they have done. In the end, instead of gaining an enemy, we may discover a friend and, in the process, lead them to Christ. Abraham Lincoln once said, “The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” Is there someone with whom you have a conflict, ask God to show you how you can be a blessing to that person and how you can be a friend to them rather than an enemy.