The Foundation of Marriage

The Foundation of Marriage
Song of Solomon 1
“My Beloved is mine, and I am his; he pastures his flock among the lilies.”
Tragically, the Song of Solomon is one of the most neglected books of the Bible. We read through the pages, and it seems like a nice love story, but not one that is relatable to us today. However, when we look closer, the book is more than just the rapturous joys of physical love; it is a book that sets forth God’s foundation for marriage. As we read the book, we can get lost in the imagery and miss the key points being taught.  
As we begin reading in chapter 1, we are immediately confronted with both the literary beauty of the book and the difficulty in understanding the message of the book. In chapter 1, we discover God’s design for marriage as the writer sets forth the foundation upon which a marriage is built. In this chapter, we find essential principles that underlie marriage. The first principle we discover in verses 1-4a: A godly marriage is grounded in character, not passion. In these verses, the bride extols the character of her husband. She begins by describing the joy and attraction she has to her husband. God has given the physical attraction and physical joys of marriage as part of the wonder of marriage. But the physical attraction and passion are not the foundation of marriage. In the last part of verse 3 and verse four, we find that the love of the bride is not just based upon passion, but the respect and value that she has for her husband. The reference to “your name is like purified oil” points to his character. In the Old Testament, the idea of “the name” served to capture the character and essence of the person. The second reference is to the fact that he is a king. This was more than just a reference to Solomon as a King, but rather that he is a king to her, that in her eyes, he is worthy of the highest honor, and he is the most important person in her life. A healthy marriage recognizes the strengths of the other person’s character rather than focusing on the faults of the other person.
The second principle we find in 5-7 in which the insecurities of the bride as she describes her past. The fact that she spent time in the fields suggests she came from a poor background. Furthermore, her brothers treated her harshly. As a result, she did not care for her own personal appearance (6b). So many times, we become self-conscious of our appearance and are defined by our past. But in these words, we are reminded that the beauty of the person is not based on their past or their looks, but on the inner qualities they demonstrate.
The third principle we find in verses 9-10 is the importance of husbands honoring their wives by praising them for the beauty of their character. The statement “you are like my mare among the chariots of Pharaoh” points to the outward and inner beauty she possessed. The horses of Pharoah where highly decorated with ornaments and embroidery, and thus the image conveys the outer and inner beauty and regal dignity of the bride. Not only does he find here beautify, but in verse 11, he affirms that he will do whatever it costs to honor her. A loving husband extols and praises the qualities of the wife.
As the focus shifts back to the response of the bride in verses 12-14, we discover the fourth principle, that the wife is to honor her husband by focusing upon his positive qualities rather than their weaknesses. Myrrh was a highly prized resinous gum and was used for incense and perfumes. So the picture painted in verses 12 and 13 is that his thoughts are like a sachet of perfume that is placed around her neck, giving her a sweet aroma throughout the day. Instead of dwelling upon his weaknesses, she focuses upon his positive qualities.
The last principle we find in 1:16-6 is that the marriage relationship determines the true beauty of the home. Because of their love for one another, their home is a place of security and love (1:17 and 2:4). The beauty of a home is never found in the construction of the building or the costly furniture inside, but in the marriage relationship. Too often, couples spend their whole life focused on the house that it becomes cold and empty because there is no love in the home. Too often, people focus on the furniture and the looks of the home when these have no bearing upon the true joy of the home.